In Love with Nothing
      In Love with Nothing anorexia stories
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laurenloggins
laurenloggins Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   6 months ago
I'm in love with the feeling of gnawing pain in the pit of my stomach

In Love with Nothing

I'm in love

I love the feeling of gnawing pain in the pit of my stomach

like butterflies that never go away

I love how it feels to feel nothing inside me

filling me

Just that emptiness

Reminding me of my success today

Of my success yesterday

And success feels like 3 pounds down

Like one more protruding bone

Like googling if advil has calories

And maybe I'll just drink more water

to stifle this headache

Pain

Success

They have been connected in my mind

And they say to me you've never looked better

and I smile, and I agree

Because I am finally free

of always searching to fill that empty space

Of time preparing meals

Of money buying the ingredients

Now I just exist in this free beautiful world

Where nothing is weighing me down

Nothing

Nothing

And when it is time to finally quench the pain

The act itself has become painful

It never feels earned

But it's still what I deserve

More pain as I throw away half my oatmeal

As I feel my stomach filled

Digestion

Disgusting

Pain

Until the next pain of success finally comes

And I feel whole again

Empty

In love with how it feels

To feel nothing

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