I want to tell her that God is anything
she wants it to be and that
the Serenity Prayer is bullshit.
God is what fills the space between
those little white lines.
God is the smoke in your lungs
shooting you to the moon
on its way down to rock bottom.
God is the change you refuse to accept,
the acceptance you’re unwilling to change
and courage you never knew was yours.
God is a chronic relapser on his 25th day
of rehab at his 6th treatment facility.
He can recite the 12 steps, make coffee
attend 90 meetings in the next 90 days,
introduce himself by his past behaviors
as to not stand out among strangers
with only one friend in common.
He can introduce himself by name but
hasn’t a clue who he is or wants to be.
He can blabber on and on
telling drug war story after another
to an anonymous group yet
nothing terrifies him more than sharing
the wars his heart survived with the heart
of another human being.
God is vulnerability dressed up
in love’s boldest hues
of honesty and kindness
stitched with willingness
and worthiness that is
the fabric of your being.
God is the woman standing in line
every morning at the methadone clinic.
They say she’s not clean but won’t hear
that she’s been up before the sun
everyday for the last 5years.
Two hours to make it to the clinic before work
to get in a pill
what she can buy around the corner
in a few bags in less than 5 mins.
She hasn’t relapsed or missed a dose
since the day her cries
for help were answered.
She doesn’t want to hear how the
government traded one drug for another;
she’s just grateful to be alive
without a needle in her arm
and dope in her veins.
Their judgments ring loud (never true)
after the meeting
sitting in a booth
at the diner
as she refills their coffee.
God is the love of your life telling you
there are better things to inhale;
there are better ways to erase your identity
than burning your fingerprints off
with a glass pipe.
God is the lightbulb moment you realize
your name is not synonymous with “addict”.
You are made up of so much
more than just your pain
and all the ways
you tried to anesthetized it.
We all try to bury our pain
and deadbolt the past.
It takes bravery unearthing it,
but courage is standing barefaced into
the depths of your own destruction and
trusting to rebuild yourself stronger.
God is the moment you know the tools
have always been in your hands.
God is a wielded sword cutting you free
from all sense of Powerlessness.
God is the reflection in the sanguine puddle
staring back at you.
There are a hundred ways to get high
and only one that matters.
*I can see the magic in everything she does...*