Hello, my name is Laura. I am 22 years old and live in Nashville, TN. I have a daughter, named Abigail, who turned three on October 22, 2018.
I have been in a long-term relationship with Abigail’s dad, Ricardo since sophomore year in high school. I was 14 and he was 17 when we first met.
This will be the first time I ever attempt to write, so I know my writing won’t be the best.
Regardless, I would like to write about my goals for the month of November 2018 and write a little about myself too. I have many goals in life and aspire to be greater someday.
The reality is that it’s much easier said than done….
This year, I decided to stop wasting time and go back to school. I recently signed up for community college this Spring and am currently in the process of registration and admissions.
This week, I will take a Michigan test and accuplacer test that will help identify my grade point average in basic classes, like English, Math, and Language. My plan is to receive an associate degree in two years.
Though, that is not it. The goal is to get into a four-year university for dental hygiene. I want to start small and work my way up.
I don’t want the fear of failure to stop me from trying to be the best I can be. I want a better future, I want the finer things in life, and I want my daughter to have a better life.
We currently live in a time where you must go to school in order to succeed. Anyone who makes it without going to school is blessed.
They start their own businesses and pick them up from scratch. Some even inherit a family fortune.
Though it may not be the same for everyone, I do wish it was that easy for me, I don’t have the passion or the assets to just go for it and do it, and on all honesty…. I'm a bit insecure.
Sometimes my insecurities are the reason I hold back from doing what I really want to do. This year I want to grow. I want the true me to come out. I want my true potential to unwind.
I’m hoping this season brings lots of change to my life.
Well, I know there will be a lot of change, but what I really mean is, this is a step closer to a better life and future for myself and my family.
I must stay focused on all the goals I have. I want to be positive and have the confidence in myself that everything will turn out fine.
But I would be lying if I said I’m not a bit scared of how I will do.
I know that it will be challenging because each class subject will require lots of focus, dedication, late night studies and early mornings.
My only fear is that I won’t understand certain material or (lectures) and that I will fail my exams. I don’t claim to be smart and I can’t say that I received all A's and B’s in high school.
High school was very tough for me. There were many distractions, and a lot of pressure with fitting in and being accepted.
I was 17 when I graduated high school but looking back, I really pulled through senior year. I managed to pass all my classes and make-up credits that I was missing.
A few months after graduation, I took a short course for Certified Nurse Assistant.
After I completed my CNA course, I was required to take a state certification test within the next six months to be fully certified.
For those next 6 months, I was given the opportunity to work as a CNA intern at Trevecca Health and Rehab.
I really enjoyed the time I spent being a bedside nurse, but it was not something that I could see myself doing for the rest of my life.
The last month finally came and I was forced to take the certification test, or I would not be able to continue working there. I took the test and yes, I failed it. I completed bombed the test.
I was so scared to tell my parents, that I made up ever excuse. Soon after receiving my results, I found out I was pregnant, and I eventually gave up….
I wish I could say that there was a positive ending and that I received a state certification, but truth is, there wasn’t, and I didn’t. The only bright side was that I was pregnant.
My whole world changed when I found out I was pregnant. I began to nest and everything I did involved preparing for the welcoming of my baby.
Ricardo, at the time, would work and help support me. He was very supportive at the time, and we had plans to move in and become a family.
We were young, hopeful and stupid… I wish it wouldn’t sound so bitter, but the truth is I had just graduated from high school,
gave up on a short-term career and we were young adults without any foundation. Ricardo at the time was working for a small local landscaping business.
He was making just enough to get us by and we were managing… For as long as, I can remember, he has always been very passionate about landscaping.
He’s always dreamed about owning his own business and expanding someday. The dream is still there but like I’ve said before things are much easier said than done.
We have both grown tremendously these last three years. My daughter has really opened our eyes in so many ways since she’s been with us.
I wish I could say, I’m the world’s most perfect mother but I know that I’m not. I am growing and learning each day. There are times where I tend to lose it and days, I feel hopeless.
Sometimes I think I might even be bipolar or even depressed but I am working on myself. Being a mother is a fulltime job; 24 hours, 365 days in a year...
It’s not easy and it’s not something that can just be taught. You must learn as you go. What I can say is that with each passing day, I wake up each morning and aim to be a better mother than I was yesterday.
I just want my baby to know that I love her and that I am here for her. One day I want to make her proud so, she can look up to both her father and I.
I don’t want any of my past failures to define who I am or stop me from becoming who I truly want to be. If anything, I want all my failures and setbacks to give me the motivation to keep moving forward.
Me writing this, helps me reflect and share my true thoughts and desires. This is the first step to making a change. Change is never easy, but it takes courage.
It is time to redirect my focus and dedicate myself to making my present significant and worthy enough for a better tomorrow.
With all this being said, I leave you with the train of thought that I am openly and bravely determined to go for what I want.
Please let me know if you would like for me to continue writing about where i stand and how my life unfolds. Thanks for reading. Always Laura.