Venting
Venting thoughts stories
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lama
lama I'd like to share my random thoughts
Autoplay OFF   •   6 months ago
quarantine got me thinking ,so this is me just venting...

Venting

Sometimes I feel like I'm too emotional even though I walk around with a blank face, it feels like I'm losing all the battles with my insecurities, I try to raise a voice but I'm choked out,

crying with dry eyes...

they say eyes are the window to the soul, then why do mine look so dead?

Why am I constantly feeling low, while people around me thought I was high the way that I looked so numb, baggy eyelids, messy hair, no expression at all...

I express my love to people but somehow I keep messing it up in the end...

So can I move on from a girl that rejected me?

It's funny but the rejection was never the problem in the first place, it was actually my overthinking that drained all my mental strength, so I went all in, and gambled my heart away...

Can I move on from all the mistakes that I keep making and all the chances that I keep missing?

Sometimes it's not me being lazy sometimes I'm just too scared to try, too scared to go to that guitar training because I don't want to sound bad, too scared to sign up for that competition,

afraid that I might disappoint, too scared of reaching out to people afraid of being shut down afraid of being backstabbed...

Can I move on from wanting to be that old me?

That person who was calm and hopeful, a person who always looked for the good in people no matter what, a person that found peace in loneliness, a person that didn't care about his image,

a person who valued loyalty over friendliness, a person who never cared about love, relationships nor status, he only cared about being a good friend, a good brother, a good son...

someone you'd share all your secrets with, someone that wasn't afraid to joke around with his friends...

Right now, whenever I'm joking around with anyone it feels like I'm walking on thin ice, afraid of hurting them, scared of getting hurt and lashing out on them,

terrified of getting attached then being left off, frightened of being all alone...

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