My feelings don't matter, my hope and my pain
So I silently sit, taking too long to explain
I stutter, I blush, I hide and I fade
I don't have a reason, I'm just too afraid
I've gotten good at rejection and know how to act
My illusion in place, having never once cracked
I perform like expected, smiles over a heavy heart
I retreat once it's over and get taken apart.
I worked really hard for these rips in my jeans
There are some among us who won't know what that means
Every move and word planned with no room for an error
One little step forward, I retreat in my terror
No one can know how big efforts can be
To hide something simple and such a part of me
You could cut me and run or play games with my smile
But I won't bat an eyelid, I'll survive it with style.
I don't take any pride in what I didn't achieve
I can sniff out a liar like you wouldn't believe
I know all of your games and I follow your thoughts
Even though my own soul may be tangled in knots
I've schooled my face over years of malpractice
Even when those I trusted used me for target practice
No amount of my pain could make this closed book open
Even if every bone in my body were broken.