Having to sit down with yourself one day during high-school as you convince yourself you aren't falling in love with him.
To push on months and months of feeling your legs shake when he looked over at you and smiled, feeling your chest tighten every second as your stomach flipped in loops when you overheard him talking or laughing, felt your face get red hot when someone mentioned his name.
It becomes so much harder, you see, to sit down a year later while you stare at your cap and gown realizing those little moments which caused your heart to beat faster, gave you this unknown force of happiness and adrenaline fueled energy to power through even the darkest of days to feeling this unknown force of dread, uncontrolled sadness.
To wake up knowing you may never see their face again, other than on this world of social media, maybe from word of mouth.
As you glance over at your phone, hoping he had responded to your message(s). Left on read, or never looked at for this portrayed matter.
It sends this painful, feeling, a feeling I've yet been able to put into words. A feeling of pain in your chest, heaviness, weakness in your limbs, your mind spinning round and round, the wave of depression rolling down from your mind to your body. Numbness to the world around you, to the love and happiness you once held dear to you.
Forgetting your face, the color of your eyes that could make the city forever glow even in the darkest of nights.
Forgetting your laugh that filled this empty void I still had open, something that will forever lay dormant in the back of my mind. A laugh even magic couldn't seal away from the world.
Forgetting your voice, the tones that changed with every subject. A haunting melody that will forever linger in my mind when I feel alone, repeating every word we ever exchanged, through our lips or text.
Forgetting you is like trying to stare at an open bottle of vodka, I tell myself I don't need it.. but I end up taking a shot anyways.
Then down half the bottle later, as I'm sitting on the kitchen floor feeling the room spinning all around me.
You're all I see.
High-school Reputation, Part 1: Love - Ashton B.