I remember peering over the edge of a great cliff. The rest of the details are no longer present in my mind. I must have slipped, and fallen into the deep, lifeless void below.
All around me is dark and I can't tell what is up or down. I'm laying on my back, but I'm not still or at peace, there is an anxious ripple running through my veins.
What happened? Everytime I try to reach into my mind for a sense of hope or security, I can't seem to get anything solid. Just flashes, glimpses of my life. The moments that defined me? No.
The moments I regret.
I concentrate on my experiences for more information, and here comes another glimpse. I'm in a living room with lots of other people. Their faces appear too blurred for recognition.
Are they speaking to me? I can hear what sounds like muffled voices, but I can't detect what is being said. Before I can think about it anymore, another flash.
I'm speeding by trees and cars. I look around to discover I'm in a car too. From what I can tell, I'm in the passenger seat, and there's a driver. I don't know why, but I feel tense.
There's a bundle of other emotions that I can't tell apart. The driver is waiving their hands in what appears to be an angry manner. Still no face. I can feel a sense of dread surrounding us.
Then it's gone. I'm in the darkness again. I get a sense of tingling in the tips of my fingers. Now there seems to be a dim light.
I look at my hand and all seems normal, except for the red veins appearing at the fingertips where the sensation is. I reach over with my other hand to rub it off, but nothing is changed.
This one is clearer. I'm crossing the street. There is a lady beside me and she drops everything she's holding. I look at her, and then keep walking.
I don't have the time or energy to be helpful, and I don't care.
The red veins are spreading to my hand now. What is happening? If this is some sort of dream, then why does it feel so real? I'm starting to think I deserved this. Whatever this is.
A beautiful face is in front of me. The first sense of peace I've felt from the flashes. Long, wavy, crimson red hair. She's holding out her hand for me to take.
Everything inside is telling me to take it and embrace her, but my body has a different idea. I push it aside and walk away.
Creeping up into my arm now, the red veins are taking over. Whatever it is, doesn't hurt. But it doesn't feel right either.
I have the impression of chills running up my spine now, from some sort of breeze passing around me. There is no sense of direction.
I'm in a garden or forest. There's other people here too, but they're all dressed in black, congregated around an object not too far from where I stand. I look over to find it's a coffin.
I feel anger. I stand up and throw something, and as I start to leave everything fades.
When I'm back in the abyss, I feel a stabbing pain in my gut. I speculate this is my own mind punishing me.
The veins are to my shoulders now, and I can see they've spread on my feet, and up to my knees.
I'm alone in a room where the walls are painted yellow. I have an appreciation for the color, but I am even angrier than before. There's a deep sense of despair too.
There are empty bottles all around me, and my face is wet. I had once thought of yellow as a color that brings joy, but everything is different now.
Back to the unearthly nothingness. The red veins have reached my face now. I can feel them enclosing on the last bit of uncovered skin. I'm falling through the darkness.
Deep down, I know this is it. I can't remember the complete journey, or why I am here. Everything is over now, that is for certain. I take a final breath, but realize there is no air to breath.
I plunge into the abysmal swamp of darkness, and I'm in my final resting place now, at the point of clarity.