I write this to you as a reminder, a reminder as to how much I absolutely adore every fiber of you.
From the first time we met I knew that I would love you forever, no one else could bring me the joy and fulfilment that you could.
Through the first few years just getting to know you through the rough first few years of marriage, the thought of living without you was unbearable.
Even the fights and arguments no matter how heated or bad they got, looking back I loved every minute of them because they were with you,
i’d give anything to just hear your voice calling me a self centered asshole again.
Not being with you is the hardest part of this whole thing, no more soft morning kisses, or snuggles on the couch watching movies together, I feel lost without you,
as though a piece of myself has been left behind and I can’t be complete.
That night at the hospital you sat by my side, clasping my wivering hand in yours telling me that it was all right, but it still felt wrong leaving you.
I fought it for as long as I could because I didn’t want to leave, not without you, I wanted to stay with you forever despite the immense pain the cancer caused me.
I’d gladly suffer an eternity of it to be with you, but unfortunately that’s not how death works.
Come to find out you can hold on as hard as you can with all the might you can muster, but in the end it’s never enough.
When it’s time to go, it’s time to go, regardless of how hard you fight it.
I’m not sure if this letter will ever reach you, or if it’s even possible, but I hope with all that is left in me that it finds its way to your bedside table.
Even now as I sit at the foot of your bed writing it, watching you sleep soundly wrapped tight in your blanket, I feel our deep connection.
Your pillow case is stained with the tears that you shed when I left you behind, letting me know that you feel the same.
You reach back and touch the back of your head as I run my fingers through your hair, giving off the appearance of a slight breeze blowing the fine strands up and away from your pillow.
Sometimes I am able to talk to you in your sleep, simple conversation that usually consists of yes and no answers, but my god just to hear your voice whisper my name again.
It brings just a little warmth to this dark and cold existence I am now trapped in, forever wandering aimlessly with no clear destination or purpose.
Waiting for you to reach your deep sleep so that we can have our nightly conversation, I notice something different about the room tonight.
It’s darker than normal, and the chill that I can feel from the AC unit is otherworldly, more so than I have ever felt before since coming to this place.
I can hear a tapping sound coming from down the hall, it sounds like it’s coming from the bathroom as though something is tapping a fingernail on the mirror, only from within the mirror itself.
The tapping is getting louder and more frequent, it’s beginning to turn into a pounding sound as though something is trying to break it,
I can hear a whisper radiating from the darkness of the hall now. It’s calling my name, telling me that I can’t stay here anymore and that I have to leave you for good now.
It’s angry and impatient, the pounding on the glass getting louder and it sounds like it wants to break through some sort of barrier.
The voice is starting to twist and snarl my name, the sound of it is frightening and chills me more than this dark place ever has before,
I think it’s something cynical and it's coming for me now.
Its shrieks crying out in agony and rage as it continues to pound violently at the mirror in the bathroom, its wails so ear splittingly horrible that I’m petrified by utter fear and horror.
I hope you can’t hear this thing, whatever it is that beckons me to come with it into the dark as you lay there peacefully.
I just heard the glass shatter, remember I love you.