Out of place
Out of place pain stories
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kitten
kitten Just here for fun
Autoplay OFF   •   5 months ago
I’ve never felt as alone and unseen as I did last night; I don’t know if I should run from them or change myself to fit in...

Out of place

Here I am again Crumpled on the bed Tear streaked face Tear streamed spread

Spent a weekend in hell With 21 demons Trapped in my body Talking about our “season”

Begging myself The question Over and over /Why there is depression/

Why was I so eager To join something Where they clearly don’t want me Where I am nothing

I don’t want to complain I don’t want to be a bother But I just want to collapse into your arms And heave and sob and yell until I’m stronger

A lack of sleep A day of talking To people who could care less about me To people who only know mocking

You fools Pretending to care When we all know You question why I’m there

And is it bad That I kind of expected this That I expected this pain This lacking bliss

But I was so E X C I T E D I was so ready to be a part of something concerted To be included To feel supported

I can’t do this I was stupid for thinking I could compete You say that your welcoming Don’t throw the shy girl on the hot seat

I think what I hated about it the most Is that it’s myself Trying to stop me Inner fears that only repel

Inner fears that they’ll never like me Why are they talking to me Why did they ask me to be there If they knew how it would be

Would I be a coward If I just quit Turned my back and walked away Before I could commit

And I want to beat myself up For going this far For letting myself think I could ever be like them The girls without a scar

I tried so hard I gave up my friends I gave up my happiness Just to try and make amends

But none of that really matters Does it? Because in the end You’re still gonna cut me out of your circle like you do

I’m not gonna waste my time If you don’t want me there If every night I’ll come home And surrender to a worn out prayer

I’m not like you I don’t fit in I never will So why not let you win

The Tears tell me I’m not happy They caress my face with soft warmth But sting and bite with salt And remind me of a different storm

I don’t want to do this

I don’t want to do this

But if I stay Can I try To be a part of something Where I am only decried

There’s no point Masquerading as a counterfeit Surrounded by uniform pieces Because you will N E V E R fit

Because I will N E V E R fit Help me fit Help me stay Because I’m just a misfit

I’m scared to get out I’m scared that I’m too different I’m scared that this isn’t going to work I’m scared that I’m ignorant

Somebody Anybody Make me like them I don’t want to be myself anymore

Somebody Anybody Take this pain away I can’t feel it anymore

Somebody Anybody End this

End this

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