Panic
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kelseywoodsanxiety & flowers / kaceisace.tumblr.com
Autoplay OFF  •  8 months ago
Written while I had a panic attack

Panic

by kelseywoods

Staring into the distance, hands shaking

The world is suffocating Nothing is letting me breathe Why can't I breathe Why can't I breathe My head is swimming and the air is growing thick Pushing me into a corner Why can't I breathe

I am alone again

Confing myself to the bathroom stall on the far right A favorite Where the lights are just dim enough That I forget myself In the blackness within and around Why can't I breathe

I hear someone step inside

They can hear me My heavy breathing My chest grows tighter Do not look in the crack Do not look in the crack Do not look Focus on the wall Focus on breathing Why can't I breathe

Back falls against the stall door

It creaks against the weight Move back and forth Creak Creak I sync my breathing with the outside noise The sink comes to life outside my space Why can't I breathe

Try to keep the noise down, stay still, stop

Nothing feels real anymore Everything is blurring The lines are fading My eyes are watering The footsteps wander from the sink Stop outside my door A moment of silence Why can't I breathe

Hesitation

The silence that hangs in the air feels like eternity Everything passes so slow Yet so fast It blurs together In that one moment Why can't I breathe Footsteps Trailing away Alone

Unlock the door, hands grasp the sink, look in the mirror

Her hair is a mess That reflection Her eyes are puffy Her face is red She does not look like me Nor I like her Who is she Why can't she breathe Why can't I breathe

Stop

Open my fists Count out loud Deep breaths in and out Pause Try to clear The thoughts Pretend nothing happened Ignore my head Stop I can breathe

Pretend it never happened

Repeat

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bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
8 months agoReply
I don't think I have ever read a better description of a panic attack. You are a marvel for being able to remember and translate those thoughts to words. The stanzas were each an increasing crescendo of pain and breathlessness. Great post!!!