liquidation
liquidation free verse stories
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kelseywoods
kelseywoods uncomfortable poet
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
liquidation, sexual repression, and anxiety

liquidation

liquidation of my bones

as my skin is pressed into the roughness

of his bed

smells of his dog

in the darkness

of the bedroom that was once his brother's

is it normal to be so

apprehensive?

it's been four years

and I love him so much

he makes my heart swell in my chest

since the first time he said hello

or when we kissed in a friend's basement on new year's eve

right as the clock struck midnight

but now I feel like my body

is s p r e a d i n g

bloody mess of a pulpy mass

I can hear his cat at the door

scratching at the wood

as she meows to be let in

I want to be able to give him this

why can't I?

is it because of how I was raised?

when they showed us a rose

plucking the petals one

by

one

and said

this would be you

if you let yourselves be used

before marriage

no one will want you

am I afraid he won't want me anymore?

he says he will

but what if he won't?

I don't know

the led lights above his bed pulsate and change

blue to purple to green to red

flickering

reflecting off his eyes

he kisses me

"is this alright?"

I don't know

I think it is

I feel like it is

my body feel like it is

it wants it

but my head is screaming

reminding me

of when I was 11

after we had to finally take my grandmother

who I loved too dearly

to a nursing home

for her alzheimer's

and she said a name that wasn't my grandfather's

my mother had to tell me of her first husband

who left her after she became pregnant with my uncle

because that's all he wanted from her -

sex

what if that's all he wants?

it's echoing in my head now

but my body doesn't want this to stop

my head does

my heart is torn

his cat is scratching at the door

the lights are changing colors

and I tell him I think we need to stop

I feel like I'm floating away

as he goes

and opens the door

and his cat curls up by his side

and he goes upstairs

pours himself some lemonade

yells if I'd like a glass

like nothing ever happened

but it did

at least a part of me wishes it did, I think

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