Cold and tiring, that is all you have ever known it seems
You look at the scratches along your arms The red gashes that sting as the water hits them Breathing slow Unsteady Unstable But here you are Alive
How did it come to this?
When things hurt to an extent which you have never known And the small smiles that once graced your face No longer have a home upon your pursed lips
You pat yourself dry with the towel kept beside the tub
It never moves That is it's home You wonder what it feels like to have use You sigh as you press the cool fabric to the stinging on your wrist Realizing you've sunk again
This is what your therapist calls "the sinking"
Those moments where you suddenly wake up Sitting there in the darkness which has eclipsed you Letting the moment dawn The thought that you have fallen again from who you think you should be
You press a palm to the bathroom mirror
It is fogged over Your hand leaves an imprint of it's former occupation of space Somewhat like yourself Only a shadow of the person you formerly were
Where did she go?
You ponder this over more than you thought you would When the fog on the mirror subsides And the reflection looking back at you is not someone you remember Why can't she smile?
You bring your hand up to the glass again
In the reflection, she flinches She sees the scars along your arms She sighs You sigh It's not like
You flick the light switch off
She fades away Faster than the fog which covered the mirror
It's not like she was ever more than fog, anyway