clock girl
clock girl poems stories
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kelseywoods
kelseywoods uncomfortable poet
Autoplay OFF   •   9 months ago
a diagnosis that is rare, and the similarities between a clock and I

clock girl

tick tick tick

head bouncing like the hand of a clock

against my shoulder

at a breakneck pace

the sound escaping my lips

in a puff of air

not fully a syllable

but wholey there

neck elongation

where it bends in the crook

again and again

until my head is spinning

can't keep still

must keep moving

chest pounding

and straining

and hurting something so terrible

can't keep still

even though the ems people

are begging me to

I cannot

tick tick tock

the doctors don't know what's wrong with me

I can't stop

puffs

of air that break free

from my lips

I can't breathe

it's sucking the air out of me

what's wrong with her?

there's no idea

just give her some medicine

knock her out for a while

until I wake up three hours later

with no idea any time has passed at all

tick tock tick

nuisance

my father yells at me when I can't stop

on the car ride to my aunt's house

as the air won't be captured in my lungs

and the movement just

won't stop

and he yells

until his face is red

and I am crying

and so is my mother

and my sister

and she's forcing him to pull over

so she can drive

because he doesn't believe

that I'm not doing it on purpose

second hand moving at the speed of light

has been trailing me for a while now

rarity

the specialists we visit have never seen

something like me

which is not

in any way

reassuring, although they say it will be okay

it takes approximately

7

doctors

before we have any kind of answer

and I'm sitting there

in a neurologist's office

with my parents

my dad has his arms crossed

indifferent

my mother is crying

and the tears flow

as she plucks another tissue from their pocket

in her purse

tickity tickity tock

a tic disorder

rare

sounds about right

bad luck in life

prevails once more

as they tell me I'm a one in a million

it's practically unheard of

for someone over 18

to display any signs of this

yet here I am

head bouncing off the sharp edge

of my shoulder

like a pinball in one of those

arcade games my sister and I used to play

at Rascal's Fun Zone

when we were little kids

my dad takes some convincing

of course he does

he didn't even believe

the depression

PTSD

anxiety

or panic disorder

diagnosis

but this one

the doctor will not take his nonbelief as an absolute

which is something

my heart feels so full

and grateful for

medication on the daily

makes it steady

no way for it to be gone

it just

will never go away

a new part of me

another "quirk"

to add to the ever-expanding list

hickory dickory

dock

I feel like

the old grandfather clock

which stood in my great-uncle's doorway

when I was younger

it's deep, incessant

chimes shaking my entire being

like a hollow body of emptiness

feeling the vibrations through

every part of my being

looking in the reflection of the glass

and seeing my reflection

but now

all I see

is the

back

and

forth

of the golden sphere

as it and I

become one

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