She bit her lip harder than usual, trying to make herself feel something, anything. She needed to break the silence, or that’s all that would be left.
“It’s not easy. The pain, the excruciating emptiness in your chest where your heart should be. It’s strange because you can hear it in your ears, the sound of your own heartbeat, deafening.
But you can’t feel it,” Kat shifted her weight, testing the waters her words were taking her.
“When we’re kids, I think our parents forget to teach us how to feel emotions. We’re taught only some emotions, angry, mad, sad, happy, worried.
And to stop when we are upsetting someone else with our feelings. They forget to teach us that it’s okay to be sad. Its not going to last forever.
We don’t know how long we will be sad, but we can’t stuff it in a jar, and refuse to feel it. That’s when it gets bigger, and it breaks the jar, and all hell breaks loose.
We have to remember it’s okay to be angry, to be hurt, to feel defeated, because that’s not the last emotion we will feel.
We will be happy again, we will stop being sad, or angry, or worried, but first they need to run their course.
For so long we we’re taught to run away from it, to hide it, or just pretend it’s not there. It’s no wonder we do the same thing with love.
Maybe no one taught him how to love, how to feel it and hold onto it. Everyone one is so afraid of the heartbreak, they forget to love.
Maybe he’ll be safe, and he’s not heartbroken crying his eyes out over you, and he gets to walk away unscathed. But, Xena, you win. You get to feel.
You got to love him for a small while, you we’re happy, and some day you find someone who’s not afraid to be hurt.
They’ll let you love them, and he will still be scared, and afraid, and running away. You’ll be shining brighter than any star in the universe, and he will wish he let you in.”