It feels egocentric of me, to be thinking of you, today. I feel incredibly guilty for not letting you know, how much you meant to me.
But mostly I feel guilty for pushing you away, just as you were trying to be my friend again.
It's funny how fleeting a moment is, how one choice, made for whatever reason, can have such an impact.
But it's a bit conceited of me to think it would've ended any other way, just because I decided to stay. To accept that friend request you had finally re-sent.
Blinded by betrayal, I pushed you away, I thought, I'm not ready today.
I really didn't think, no, I didn't, couldn't possibly know that you would go, so soon, so random, out of the blue, it had us all questioning, why you? All you had been was good.
You really did all you fucking could, except wear that seatbelt, in the car, that took you away, so goddamned far.
My eyes are turning red and there's noise all in my head, because I can't, I won't, I refuse, to believe you are dead.
Today is your birthday and I bet you're singing Eminem and building houses for coyotes, Living the Pursuit of Happiness, and me? I'll be fine once I get in. I'll be good.
*A tribute to one of my friends who has passed. May your soul find peace, and Happy Birthday buddy.