I want all the bullshit to stop, everything swarming inside my head like angry hornets. Which is quite accurate because hornets don't lose their stingers, and the same thoughts keep stinging me.
They bring me to tears, voicing all my worst fears, it's best to ignore them I know, but self control has never been a strong point for me.
I can't help but drown in curiosity, so I dig until I find something I don't like and cry.
Is this what I want? Do I want to be hurt! Do I really want to find you with someone else? Of course not, but it's like an itch that needs to be scratched, it won't go away until I do.
Either way I feel like shit. Either you did or didn't, and that leaves me with more guilt.
Why can't I let you be, why can't I be happy? You're all I want, all I dream about, all I write about, and you're mine. And I'm yours.
We have a house, a car, cute babies ,and even a dog, with a backyard with purple flowers. We have a comfy bed, and we sleep together every night. Despite all of this, I drown.
Endlessly gasping for air in my own self-inflicted misery-filled pool, and I can't breathe.
It's easier when you're home and I don't feel so alone, but when you're gone, I can barely keep my head out of the water.
I should have been smarter and taught myself to swim, but I used you to stay afloat, like a life jacket. And now I'm pulling you under too and I pray you don't let go.