Ego. soul stories
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kayjohnstone Queer poet with a lot on their mind
Autoplay OFF   •   4 years ago
Break ups can take a toll on a person


by kerryjohnstone

And so it was done. Finished. A soft ending to a harsh reality and in the lull of silence i lay back letting the end take over allowing my brain to adapt to the swift finish.

I let my guard down... The Idiocy. Nothing is ever as easy as it seems

And with that she struck my head with familiar words from past lives that lingered in the crater of the blow.

Your words burrowed down and fester with in my brain writhing around in my skull eating away at me like maggots chewing on a lifeless carcass...

two word devour more than any other...

Ego boost.

Diminishing me to nothing more than a human searching for...

A conquest,

A title to my name

A selfish venture.

Ego boost. You were my ego boost? check your ego sweetie its twice the size of mine.

Ego Boost. Said like I don't have a heart. Now a soul? Thats questionable. but a heart i have.

And your final words ignited a flaming fury in the pit of my chest. I'm burning inside out, Gradually feeling the inflamed anger take my rationality from me.

I have a trying relationship with my heart as all my life i've been told that i don't love very well.

But i feel it. its anger, its joy, Its sadness ,its love...

Visuals of romantic scenes straight out of movies is your ideal love... But thats reality is almost unachievable as i don't know how to translate and reciprocate how i feel.

I am bad at affection. It fucking scares me. My cold exterior fucked us up.

I ruined it. and to round it off with a jab in my gut you confirmed my worst fear...

No matter what I do, I lack the ability to show love... though your word choice was more explicit.

i felt you stab my chest with poisonous truths snapping me into reality. And all i can say is Thank You.

I will never try to love again.

and oh yeah... Fuck you.

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