Give me something, quick,
Make this feeling stop,
I don’t care at what cost,
Get me the hardest drugs you got.
I want complete escapism,
I want it now,
Put it up my nose or down my throat,
I’ll inhale it somehow.
I really don’t care how it’s done,
I just want to forget everyone,
Forget about the bad things I’ve done,
Forget myself, the day, it’ll be gone.
Don’t look at me like that,
If you just lived one minute as me,
You’d be screaming just the same,
For something quick to take the pain away.
For you see my brain, it just won’t stop,
From self destructing on the spot,
Whispering lies in my ear,
No one likes you, they think your weird,
Why even try to exist,
When all your brain will do is list,
Every experience you’ve ever lived.
How frustrating that sounds, you say,
Nodding your head as my mind sways,
I’m not even really listening,
As here I am again listing,
Panicking, heavy breathing,
My brain pulsating, painfully sharp,
As though full of dark edges,
Cutting away at you in the dark.
Pausing, I attempt to rationalize,
Experience has taught me to ignore the lies,
To try to breathe and stop and think,
About the reality in front of me,
Instead of letting my brain dictate,
I attempt to hesitate, wait, and reevaluate.
Until it all begins again,
What will I do then?