I go through my days
Sometimes they seem unfazed
Unfazed by the pain in my life
Unfazed by the feeling of disgust
But then I look at the date December 15
And it only takes but a few seconds to realize
It has been 2 months since my rape
I feel like there's no reason and no purpose for my soul to live
Cause now I'm damaged forever
All I can seem to see are the bloodstains
The scars on my arms from the pain in my heart
Feels like the hurt and I will never part
Some days seem like there's no hope
The thoughts to grab the blade won't go away
Maybe they are here to stay?
Maybe the blade is the way to no pain
Even if not forever
Even if for just a little bit
It may make an indent on my pain of the present
But is it really worth the pain it will cause in the future?
Will, it really be worth it, suture after suture a dent in my future
A dent in my future, a scar that is forever
A scar that will change my interview demeanor
A scar that will change my life
Is it really worth it?
Are a few seconds of relief worth the pain of regretful grief?
Can I fight these urges? Am I strong enough to go another round?
I have fought this fight for years, lost some and won some
Do I have it in me? Another round to fight?
Do I have it in me for the fight of my life?
The energy the fight takes is worth the benefit it will make
The strife may seem large but bigger is my longing for life
I can fight another fight
I want a better life!