Hands that hold me once held her and that smile that you send hasn't always been just mine. It's mine now, and I'm grateful. I'm grateful that you touch me like you once touched her.
Hands that dance and rub against my body once ran across hers.
For I am second, and not the last. Another person who you're going to pull apart and know. The ways you make my body shake are different from how you made hers, but you understand.
The push that I send when I mention her name brings a sour taste to your mouth that I taste when I kiss your lips.
At one point though that sour was sweet and her name dripped off your tongue before your eyes knew mine. I was there, watching and observing looking at how you looked at her.
I feel her watching those eyes that once held you so high are now boring into us seeping through the cracks of the relationship we had to build from the ground up.
The way your eyes shine at her name not from how you miss her, but from how she hurt you. How she screamed and stalked how she still won't ever truly leave you alone.
Voicemail after voicemail text to text. Persistence of notes and demands you were too scared to make.
I am jealous. I'm jealous of how she once had you. I'm jealous that one day someone else could have you like this too.
Even though it's over and I'm able to protect you the jealously is still there.
It's the way I know you know what she likes, what her favorite song is, how when her parents come by you great them like old friends. the jealously is there pulling me apart.
You don't even know. The hours I spend at night thinking about how you used to fall asleep thinking about her. How you know her. How our relationship hasn't even been as long as yours.
I feel a disconnect that I wasn't the first. I want to be the last.
So darling I'm jealous. I'm jealous for a lot of things, and one day I'll move on. For now I'll stay awake thinking about your bodies touching and your lips brushing.
For now, I'll wish to move on and pray for your forgiveness. Jealously is ugly and I'm the ugliest of all.