Some days you’re okay, some days you’re not. Tonight is one of those when you’re not fine. Where the tears just keep on spilling as you fall asleep.
You miss him. That’s just saying the least of what you feel about him. You don’t just miss him anymore, it feels as if a part of you was taken away whenever he’s not around. Which happens a lot.
He’s always away.
You live your everyday life like the living dead, a zombie, the undead. You’re animated and vital, yet you’re departed on the inside… A robot, almost.
But when night time falls and you’re tucked in the safety of your bed, the tears flow. They come in tides that flood your empty heart with pain and anguish.
It ebbs your emotions like a tsunami that leaves your insides wrecked and useless with its assault.
You live this way ever since the both of you decided to be together. He told you that being away a lot is a part of his job.
He asks you three times, four, five and six times more if you’re fine with it.
If you can live with the fact that he might not be there with you on occasions that matter, Birthdays, Christmas and even Anniversaries.
And you say yes every time with a big and warm smile on your face.
You are fine with it when he’s around, when he’s in front of you, you feel great. But when you’re alone with your own thoughts, that’s when you buckle under.
You didn’t know how long you've been sleeping for, but you suddenly felt it. That pull whenever he’s around.
You say with a small hoarse voice from yet another restless sleep.
Jongdae delicately touches your cheeks and the excited smile that he has immediately withered with the wetness of your tears.
“You’ve been crying,”
It wasn’t a question. He said it as if he knew how you are when he’s not around.
You reach up to your cheeks, touching his hand as you drag yours across your skin and sure enough the whole side of your face you’ve been sleeping on is wet from crying.
“I told you, just call me if you’re feeling lonely. I will always pick up.”
You twirl yourself around, immediately burying your face in his chest and the tears just automatically fall. As if his words ticked on the switch in your heart.
Your arms latched around his body, clinging on, not wanting him to go anywhere.
“I’m here now…”
Jongdae coos on your ear, kissing your hair, the skin behind your ear, anywhere his lips touches.
His left hand playing with your hair in soothing motions, his right caressing your back in comfort. Your grip on him tightens when you felt him wiggle off a little bit.
“Where are you going?”
“Nowhere. I just want to see your face.”
“Don’t go, please. Stay with me.”
More tears fell. Your voice shaky from crying.
“Alright, I’m staying.”
Jongdae started humming a tune not familiar to you, but it sounded heavenly. Especially when he’s this close to your ears.
The smell of his skin, his lovely scent that you always loved and the sound of his angelic voice slowly drifted you back to sleep.
Waking up again with you cuddled on a pillow, the warmth was gone. His musk is just faint in the air. Was it real? Or did you just dream about him again?
You call out and no one answered. You still for a minute to wait, but there was no sound.
You whine this time. Not the first time you cried out loud. Last time you did, your neighbors actually knocked on your door. They thought you were in pain and dying.
You have to make up an excuse; of smacking your knees on your dresser. Thankfully they bought your lies.
The door of your bathroom suddenly fly open and it bangs on the wall loudly making you jump up.
“Y—You’re… You’re really here!!”
Jongdae’s face was full of alarm, his hair and body wet, clutching a towel around his lower area. You hurriedly crawl out of bed and jump up on him.
He caught you just in time as you pounce on him.
“Yes, I’m here.”
Jongdae giggles when you shower his wet face with kisses. You didn’t care if your pajamas are getting soaked by him.
“I thought it was just a dream. Never, ever leave me like that again okay!”
“I’m sorry. I feel awful from the flight, I had to take a quick shower.”
Jongdae walks back to the bed, your legs encircled securely around his middle and your arms tight around his neck.
“Promise you won’t leave again?”
You know that’s a lie, but at least for now you can enjoy him being by your side.