This is not happy nor sad.
This is not happy nor sad. true stories
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jonahhotaling
jonahhotaling Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   8 months ago
My past and who I am because of it.

This is not happy nor sad.

It’s not here to help nor to harm.

This is an explanation, A window if you will, Something that you can look through to see inside of myself.

Not all people are good. In fact most are deceitful and cruel. They bully, they harass, they beat, and then they laugh.

They hurt just for the sake of hurting.

And they bury through to my core...

Popularity was one thing I had never achieved, I was called nerd, weirdo, ugly, prude.

I mean I just liked to think I was waiting for the right person, But I guess that not ideal for some people.

And the right person is never the one you want them to be.

Maybe her, the crush I had for years, my first friend who actually understood me, and the depths of me...

But that didn’t last long at all, She threw me to the dogs as soon as there was a better offer...

What about her? She made me feel true happiness. We talked about “our” future. My one and only...

But my one and only... Had one too many... And I guess he was just better than me...

Maybe her? Someone new, mature, focused. She made me want to bend over backwards for her, just to make her smile.

Until prom came... And she ended things... During the after party... For my cousin...

Maybe her? My last chance before I give up. She was me, everything we saw, heard, felt resonated the same way. Then she went away...

She joined the Air Force and we tried everything... But how can you kindle a fire when life pours a waterfall on top of you..?

...and then you came into my life... Different yet amazing... Strange yet so beautiful... Flawed yet still perfect to me...

But after everything. I’m afraid...

Scared that I will disappoint you. That I was fail and lose you. That I will somehow cause you to regret even meeting me.

That I will again care too much about someone... About you... And in turn push you away...

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result...

And my past has always repeated itself...

It left scars that remind me of what has been, And leaves spaces for what will come to be...

All I know is that my past has also defined me, made me who I am, and I’m glad it did...

Because it lead me to you. To pure joy, amazement, wonder, beauty, and contentment.

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