I often recall the day he told me he loved me for the very first time.
My entire soul clung to those words. I had found salvation
behind your eyes;
upon your lips.
My body invited in his hymns of lust as we kneel upon the satin sheets.
My whole being was a temple for the kind of love we shared;
the sort of religion that we worshiped then.
"I love you."
I still remember how those sacred words dripped from his mouth;
my body a pool of youth
and a well of unwished wishes.
My body seemed to hover above the bed
as the words seeped into my skin.
His arms draped over me;
lips brushing against my bare back;
trying to read me like I was the very bible of our love;
studying me like I was the very answer
The thing is,
our kind of love;
our sort of religion,
did not even exist.
Our bible relied upon too many neglected questions.
Was it ever reality?
Was it all a simple story spun so that we could look back years from now for comfort?
For faith in something good?
Or, quite possibly,
it was merely a taste of a lucid dream that we would forget as soon as the sun would rise.
I still remember the way I grasped your hand so tightly.
If I had let go,
my belief in us would slip.
If I did let go,
I would be admitting
that there is no God.
- Our Religion
shrinking is the thing someone does when they feel they are lacking the importance required to fill a room.
"you are allowed to take up space" he tells me.
i say, "there is hardly any space that needs filling when i cannot fill myself;
when i cannot be enough for myself."
i cannot fill myself.
you crossed my mind again today.
as i inhaled,
the breath never seemed to fully reach my lungs.
inside feeling is my strong suit.
outside feeling is an easy thing to fake.
outside feeling: you're my best friend.
inside feeling: i've been in love with you for a long time. i can't tell you. you wouldn't like it.
perhaps the best part of it all
was the fact that you lead me on without even knowing that you did.
you tugged at my heart
and fooled my eyes
and fogged my mind;
even after that, you felt zero remorse.
but how could you?
the only one who acknowledged it all;
the only one who felt it all;
the only one who assumed it all
- inside thinking
i often wonder
why the stars still ignite
when the darkness of the sky