What is love without madness?





What is love without madness? love stories
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jmknell
jmknell Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 months ago
May you see my passion, the passion you thought didn't exist.

What is love without madness?

I cant remember a time I wasn't crazy about you.

I cant remember a time I wasn't crazy about you. If this was a movie it would start with me being a nervous wreck waiting for my train to arrive.

I cant remember a time I wasn't crazy about you. If this was a movie it would start with me being a nervous wreck waiting for my train to arrive. My passage to a place that made it possible for me to finally define home.

Stepping off into this pleasant valley not knowing that my life was never gonna be the same.

Stepping off into this pleasant valley not knowing that my life was never gonna be the same. Watching you walk right into my arms is forever imprinted in me. I miss seeing you wear that dress.

Stepping off into this pleasant valley not knowing that my life was never gonna be the same. Watching you walk right into my arms is forever imprinted in me. I miss seeing you wear that dress. You know the one. It was the frame to my mind's most treasured piece of art.

I could relive those nights spent sleeping on the floor on a loop for the rest of my life. You showed me the beauty of a normal life.

I could relive those nights spent sleeping on the floor on a loop for the rest of my life. You showed me the beauty of a normal life. I never thought I would be allowed to feel the way I did those first few months.

I could relive those nights spent sleeping on the floor on a loop for the rest of my life. You showed me the beauty of a normal life. I never thought I would be allowed to feel the way I did those first few months. I was left astonished when that feeling never faded. Our unique situation of early and constant proximity played heavily in our favor at first.

The love I already had for you grew more complex, just as it still continues to today.

The love I already had for you grew more complex, just as it still continues to today. Not to say we never had our issues but we quickly established our groundwork for resolution. I honestly still can't wrap my head around how pure it all felt.

The love I already had for you grew more complex, just as it still continues to today. Not to say we never had our issues but we quickly established our groundwork for resolution. I honestly still can't wrap my head around how pure it all felt. I knew all the words to describe it but I hadn't learned the associated feelings yet.

These last 7 years have been the greatest part of my life.

These last 7 years have been the greatest part of my life. You gave me the ability to live. You made a home for me to heal. You gave me a bed to rest. You gave me the love to conquer my demons.

These last 7 years have been the greatest part of my life. You gave me the ability to live. You made a home for me to heal. You gave me a bed to rest. You gave me the love to conquer my demons. You helped me discover myself. You helped this lost boy find his way back out of his nightmares.

I feel so much shame in not making sure you knew these things.

I feel so much shame in not making sure you knew these things. So yeah, I may do a little much for you in some aspects. I may have let you become too dependant on me.

I feel so much shame in not making sure you knew these things. So yeah, I may do a little much for you in some aspects. I may have let you become too dependant on me. I think I definitely put a lot of pressure on us both. But I felt I owed you everything.

I literally had nothing before coming here. I know you have heard all my stories.

I literally had nothing before coming here. I know you have heard all my stories. But I'm not completely sure you understood how much my life lacked before you came into it.

I literally had nothing before coming here. I know you have heard all my stories. But I'm not completely sure you understood how much my life lacked before you came into it. I definitely fucked up. But I was trying harder than I think you ever saw. And I believe. That too is my fault.

You say I checked out. I did but it wasn't our relationship that I checked out from. It was just life in general was growing harder than I could admit.

You say I checked out. I did but it wasn't our relationship that I checked out from. It was just life in general was growing harder than I could admit. I couldn't handle what was happening in my head. And we both know I couldn't figure out how to talk about it then. I couldn't give my thoughts the ability to be reality.

I was never as ready as I thought I was when it came to trying to fix myself. I pushed too hard and in the process pushed you away too. The next part we know.

I was never as ready as I thought I was when it came to trying to fix myself. I pushed too hard and in the process pushed you away too. The next part we know. It's the part I refused to process for the rest of our time. I just numbed it away until I was so numb, that not only myself but everyone around me was numb to my emotions.

I never meant to check out.

I never meant to check out. I was just so afraid I would lose you if I let it all flow through me. I didn't know if I could forgive you. But I do forgive you. Goddammit I do. I'm so sorry I was weak before.

I never meant to check out. I was just so afraid I would lose you if I let it all flow through me. I didn't know if I could forgive you. But I do forgive you. Goddammit I do. I'm so sorry I was weak before. I didn't know what I was doing. And you still stuck around so long. You endured the misery that I perpetrated by not dealing with the issues at hand.

I love you from the deepest parts of my bones. It comes from this well inside me that you filled. I'm sorry I let my fears destroy our happiness we created for each other.

And I know it's too selfish to just asked you make yourself vulnerable like that again. I hope whatever it is you are doing, it is bringing happiness.

But of course I hope it's bringing you back to me. Obviously my fear still has some grip on me. But you didn't exactly let that wound heal by choosing him.

I'm reacting so strongly to that particular aspect because now I'm having to process the past I ignored before. But I have to learn to live with that.

I just hope I can start this love story over again. I just hope I can make you feel the way I felt the day I stepped off that train.

I want my home back. I want to prove to you that your love wasn't wasted. I'm sorry I could never really express myself before. But I'm learning. I promise to keep learning.

I promise to be here waiting.

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