I regress
I regress cope stories
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jessielouise
jessielouise working through it
Autoplay OFF   •   6 months ago
The thicket deep, the thorny brush ready to mar and mangle if they slip out somehow.
Those memories are dear to me.

I regress

I regress

Dear they are to me,

I recall the memories,

Nestled in a safe space tucked away deep in the soft cushioning of my tissue.

The memories i have to pull out, with determined strength and deliberate force.

I don’t want to remember,

The emotions it drags up in me threatens to choke,

To mangle, to asphyxiate, to clobber and beat.

The memories are dear to me.

I remember the joy and delight i had in you, the comfortable easiness that is hard to find.

I remember the despair after you cut yourself off from me and left me alone to navigate the strange waters i found myself in,

Being forced to assess the damage i took from your destruction,

I reimagined, revisioned, rebuilt myself.

All in time.

I would allow those memories to visit occasionally,

They took up residence and vandalized my inner peace.

They left graffiti on the walls of my heart, littering trash in my mind’s horizons,

Polluting the air with toxic thoughts and leaving without a goodbye.

The memories are dear to me.

I had to take those memories and shove them far away.

I grasped them by the hand and ran, i ran so deep into myself with them,

There was no way they would find the way out.

The thicket deep, the thorny brush ready to mar and mangle if they slip out somehow.

Those memories are dear to me.

For years I was complacent, glad even.

My memories were tucked away so far, i barely thought of them in passing.

But that all changed.

The reappearance of you upended my work.

My years of reimagining, reinventing, and rebuilding.

I saw the pillars of myself crash to the floor, the foundation barely standing.

How am I supposed to keep rebuilding?

How am i supposed to be make amends and carry on?

I sigh and I slowly trudge with a purpose

I go back to the thicket.

I am marred and mangled.

I call out for the memories, they leap in bounds and overtake me, guiding me by hand.

These memories are dear to me.

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