I read a message of someone who called me a fake friend. I genuinely liked this person and felt immediately depressed after hearing that. But I'm honestly stupid as fudge.
I braided my hair and contemplated cutting it off. To make myself feel better. To get rid of something I liked about myself to even it out. I've never been told that I was a fake friend before.
I've never really had friends to tell me that. And I already hate myself as I am. Adding a horrible character to the mix made me even more upset and disappointed in myself.
Not only am I ugly, a loser, anti social but also fake. I didnt know that was how he viewed me. Until then, I honestly had so much confidence. I began messing up words that I usually get right.
I was overall messed up. I haven't been upset with myself very often over friends. I actually placed a knife on my neck but realized it was too obvious of a place to cut. I once cut before.
It barely scratched the skin. But I did. I poked the knife into my skin but didnt make a cut. I did this multiple times but couldn't cut. I wasn't sure if the knife was clean.
So I was hesitant and god, I'm glad I was hesitant. I'd hate to cut myself over him. I cried a bit, not gonna lie. But I'm going to try to stay offline for a bit. To calm myself down.
My best friend told me that I changed a lot since I've been talking to these online people. And I really wanna know how. I wanna revert to how I was.
I was so damn innocent and naive before coming here. And I've changed so damn much. I was super talkative and nice to everyone but now I say super r rated shit and I don't know what to do.
Only reason I didnt cut myself is because I felt like it would make me seem like an attention seeker. The only reason. And that's really flipping sad. Honestly.