I don't know if it makes me desperate, or just human, but sometimes I find myself pressing rewind on our story-
go back to where we started, the beginning of our timeline, if you still remember?
You had just finished showering after your game (that our team won, as always) and I left the bleachers to look for my brother.
It was dark and I didn't see you leaning on the wall, laughing at something on your phone.
I only heard your laugh and jumped, startled - and me getting easily scared was one of your favorite topics to talk about in the months to follow.
Along with my impulsiveness - that one time you told me I was too good of a girl and I took you to my car and left school in the middle of the day to the beach
just to prove to you that, no, I'm not a good girl.
And I also acted on impulse later that day when I kissed you, and your hair smelled of sea salt and euphoria
The sun was setting behind us and it painted your face golden, I laughed, embarrassed at my impulse decision and you told me you loved that about me and kissed me again
And I told you I loved you and you smiled into my hair. In that moment, I knew we could be anything we ever wanted
I saw the fire in your eyes when I talked to other boys, the way your jaw hardened, and I saw the way they twinkled when I made you laugh
We had no labels, and I didn't feel that we needed any. Because I loved you, and I knew you loved me too.
You were my best friend, my unspoken lover, and my wish in the well
But it changed on that one April morning, you had a frown on your face I asked you about, and you pretended like I didn't exist and walked away
And you never explained why you were sad, why you pushed me away, why you were relying more and more on the girl you sat beside in chemistry and shut your best friend out
It hurt my heart how you could throw us away so easily, and never look at me like our memories meant nothing but a mere nod of acknowledgement in the hallways
You broke my heart, and I won't ask what made you feel so blue if you won't tell me, I just want to know where I went wrong.
I will love you, and wait for you until you decide to tell me you don't want me to any longer.
With love, Your stranger.