Everything’s changed I cry watching that one tear drop leave my eye. A fear within me of people, places and things ever since then.
A pain like no other as my hands shake,a nervous twitch I cannot break. Completely shaken to the core, just to approach that damn door.
Non-judgmental to a grocery-store, movie theater, restaurant, or bar. Even with knowing my family and friends are not too far. I can hear the chaos up ahead like a child screaming in bed.
Then I begin to sweat down my spine leaving me looking as pale as a ghost. People stare (not really) but that’s what my head says and who speaks louder than most. Ever since my brain injury I’ve developed a default illusion of being judged..
Someone can say “excuse me” in the store just to get by. It will catch me by surprise and I’ll jump right up towards the sky. The liveliness in this world can be overwhelming. Even the simplest task is a war, like... getting through the grocery store.
Even this heaviness in my head, will no longer keep me in bed. I too have found my voice and it has a lot to say with pencil lead. So I get my ass up every day, happy or not, I do it anyways.
Keeping my windows open to have taught myself that nature is peaceful and serene - not something to make you scream. I listen to birds chirp, cars go by, or those train tracks and know I’m not under attack.
Far from winning this battle, Everyday a little closer, Alls I can say is life can be a roller coaster..