by (Jeff) Ze Cheng Yu
Inside the minds of an outcast
Who are we? What does the earth give to us? What do we do with our lives? What’s the point of all these efforts?
These minds constantly run inside my head as I live on in my life, just a regular person. Ever since I was a child I felt that there was something different about reality.
The emotions people show and the complexity of one’s thoughts, intrigued me. I am still an introvert who’s afraid to even open up to others, from what I observed over the years.
People are suffering all over the world, and those live in ignorance or their own fantasies. Those who are slaves of society and abide within it.
Everyone of us seek acceptance and understanding from others deep down, but I realized that this was impossible has we humans are selfish beings.
We play a game of a “socially ordered men” having moral standards that more likely patch up our incompetence,
we smile and greet each other because “it’s the right thing to do” we cover up our fears and emotions because it would become a burden to others.
When all of us share the same hardships in our lives but in a different shape or form.
We are also afraid to show it because it opens us up and we realize and cannot accept the reality that our hearts are so empty, we become vulnerable.
As humans we constantly try to filled the voids within our hearts with materials or ideologies and emotions to compensate this empty and lonely feeling, sometimes ending up hurting others for it.
Because we share different political views or perspectives, we cannot fully understand one another, instead we are afraid that we might lose what we value to the hands of another man/woman.
History just repeats itself over and over, that no matter how good of a system we create for ourselves if the majority will not consent to it, then war and other misfortunes happen.
I find humans foolish trying to build a prosperous nation or shangri-la, where we only fabricate ourselves even more, abandoning those who are different to society,
those who cries their heart out but can’t receive the same attention others give. This whole society is just so wrong to me.
Why are we here pretending everything is okay when sometimes it’s not?
So many of us are vulnerable in reality that we just carry on pretending that it’s okay and we can’t show our weaknesses because we judge one another by it’s cover.
We also constantly live within fear and hopelessness, but because of those our courage is forced to show and again places a blindfold on our true selves.
“I actually don’t know myself that well.
” As we grow older from innocent and what seems to be like heavenly times during our childhood to the cruel and cold reality, we often question our identity and our position in society.
“To be honest I don’t know why am I even trying or even here for, I’ve seen it all, nothing except love and family is worth living for.
What will I do when I lose all of those? Friendships are getting more blurry, you can’t tell if they are your friends or acquaintances, or your enemies.
” People often say everyone should have a passion to live for, though it’s hard for some individuals. The drive in each person is so complex and different, my mind almost throws up.
Constantly as humans we also compare others with ourselves or other people, this kind of act makes me shiver and quail. Who are we to compare others for? We are in essence the same.
As time goes on the darkness that I see within society haunts me, although the thought of “picking strawberries from thorny bushes” still rings true,
life is but a storm that sometimes appears and sometimes shines with sunlight. However, if you see the reality of everything, reality is unforgiving and harsh.
Many forms of entertainment are just simple illusions we lie to ourselves with to satisfy our hunger and thirst.
We play heroes, as to bring false hope to others and share a goal to lie to ourselves that we can be honorable and heroic.
If that is the case why are nations split apart, why is there still so much suffering in the world if we have heroes? Because they are only fairy tales, in the end we are different.
We cannot accept others and burden others with our true selves. This is the kind of society I see in this nasty world.
Everything is ran by money, fame, status, quota, skills. We abandon those who are “unworthy” instead of helping each other out.
We steal and take from others, we consume on others and make those who seem desirable more powerful. I can’t accept this reality no more..