by Jaron chandler
Breathe in, breathe out
There must be a better way to calm me down
My warped and unstable senses cant tell the differences in imagination and reality.
I fret relentlessly in my moments of depersonalization coaxed by anxiety
I fail to follow on point to the mantras of carpe diem seeing only the obstacles along my path and not how to defeat them
Pacing a blazing trail that takes me nowhere, terrified by the idea of having to live with my failures
I know there's a better place to be for me, but making it there, making that change clutches my lungs, stalls my heart and suspends my breathing
Held down by demons as the room im in starts to feel smaller
Crushing my integrity with cynicism with no one to catch me as I falter
Its episodes like these, where I'm vulnerable and terrorized
That I see I'm the result of myself being at war with my own mind.
I cant harbor solace until I find some remedy that'll free me from this world of constant disturbance
For once to finally feel okay, is the only thing in this life that I lust.
They tell me to breathe in, breathe out
I have to try and calm down
Waking heated, drenched in cold sweat, hairs on end.
encompassed by paranoia, how can I tell myself to calm down when my mind is no longer my friend?