I have to stop myself from picking up my phone and stop myself from going your way and it’s like this big pressure wind is pushing me and I’m trying hardest not to fly away, to stand my ground.
I still love you. Now that we’re not together I have new perspective as if I’m looking at us from third person. You are downright cruel and i love you anyway. I must be mentally fucking retarded.
Maybe I’m the one that needs the therapist. Maybe? Scratch that definitely in need of a therapist. I’m having nightmares the kind you used to tell me you’d have. Worst part is I remember them so I’m aware of how much of a possibility it can be.
I’m in love with you and you fucked me over time and time again. And made me feel like I’m in the wrong. And I’d say sorry and you? You’d get away with all of it. Did you ever, in any of these memories we made actually even love me?
Or was I a phase, a girl on the check list that’d go off as soon as you’re done. Worst part is I’d take it, I’d take being just some girl you slept with rather than never be a part of your life.
That’s how much you’ve fucked me up. That’s how much of my integrity you owe me. And that’s how I know that one day, one day. I will move on to a better me and all you’ll be able to do is look my way and nothing else.
Until then it’s torture but it’s not less than the torture you put me through when we’re together