I forget that I'm anxious, and it's the best feeling because I don't even know that I'm not thinking about it so it makes me feel human again.
Then in slides the monster with his tap shoes banging tapping and stomping away on my brain.
His razor sharp fangs pierce my nerves causing my stomach to feel unmanageably queasy.
So I think of things that make me happy.
Which momentarily works until the monster comes running back and mixes the good thoughts with the horrid ones, and adds a dash of self humiliation.
I find it weird that I know these moments of horror aren't me, yet I let them take a hold and hurt me to the point where I don't want to BE anymore.
But, my mind knows better and so do I. Leaving things behind isn't a thing I do, and I don't plan to start by ending.
My minds a mess right now, but it reminds me of how much growth I still require.