I thought I tamed the Dragon
I thought I tamed the Dragon mentalhealth stories
  •   1 comment

jadestevens YXE / 22
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
I thought I won this battle...turns out I'm still fighting.

I thought I tamed the Dragon

Fear is anxiety

Fear is the crippling creature that lives inside my brain

He made his home there many years ago

And resides permanently

There's no rescue

No salvation

No peace

No peace of mind of any kind

That only comes when

I'm sleeping

Not dreaming, because my mind is already full

My mind is full of skepticism, and criticism and most of all, self-doubt

My mind has never felt the stillness

Not one ounce of quietness

Not one second of calmness

Fear decides if I get to feel at all

Day after day

I consider getting out of bed a victory

Just one small victory after another

That's what I tell myself at least

What I learned, is that

There's no taming the beast

The one who lives in your head

With no invitation, whatsoever...

I thought I was getting better

I thought I tamed the dragon

I thought I won

Nobody told me I'd be fighting this fight again

Over and over

Up and down

For the rest of my life

Underwater, and I'm gasping for air

I'm fighting a demon and the fight's not fair

I can't get away from the darkness

It's everywhere

Clinging to hope,

To something good

Clinging to someone,

Or simply choosing to hope over fear

Just this once...

I'm living one day at a time,

Telling everyone I'm fine

When I'm not...

Look, I understand this is a lot

My insides are tangled in knots

Searching for moments of peace

Does God even have a plan for me?

Is the peace of mind the longest shot?

Fear is successfully crippling my mind

Abducting my glee, one piece at a time

Invisible monster, he's never been seen

Don't believe him, when he tells you I'm fine

Life goes on, the world turns

I'm warming my hands on the bridges I've burned

Taking my losses as lessons learned

Constantly searching for peace

So, here's to the ones like me

The ones whose chemistry wasn't quite right

The ones who feel like every single day is a fight

The ones who are stuck in the dark with no sign of light

All I feel is fear.

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