A response piece to "I don't want to play with you" by livingghost
(I reposted the original on my channel ^u^)
(this... may turn more into a confession box of peace of mind and happiness)
Ever since I was small, the older kids wanted to play with me.
Every girl in my grade wanted to be my best friend
and they were it's just...
...they used me...
my friends throw sand in my eyes to see if it would hurt
In Kindergarten and 1st grade,
I was used for kissing practice for her boyfriend.
She acted like she cared about me,
but turned her back in 2nd grade.
The 8th graders persuaded me to do things that would get me in trouble and I did
Because I wanted to be excepted
Fast forward to: 4th grade
A girl came in and literally tried to steal me one friend that understood me.
I tried to be friends with her, but she treated me like a pet.
Of course, I did a lot of things for her just to get to my friend.
In 5th grade, I was fed up.
I blacked out and grabbed her wrist.
I guess I was holding on to her really hard because she was screaming...
I didn't see any marks.
But that was the most satisfying moment of my life...
To put fear in her.
Ok, back to the topic:
I can tell you many more times I have been played with.
It happened to me so many times that I don't feel anything
But now I am getting to a point where I dont trust people.
If they say something, then my mind will say,
"Stop! S/he is tricking you! Don't trust them! You don't know who they are! You don't know who you are!!"
And my mom always wonders why I play sad a** music, lol.
The sad thing is... that is now my only source of happiness..
Because I want to play with you...