by Ink Spotz
I don't know if you'll ever read this, and if you don't, that's okay. See, I'm writing this as a sort of public confession even though I'm sure you know why I act the way I do around you.
See, it goes this way. I've always grown up having crushes on people that I couldn't ever have. Those tween stars in the magazines, or those Disney kids on the television shows even.
I would pin posters to my wall; my heart just all a flutter about them.
Then I grew up. I still fawned over the celebrity personalities, and even a childhood crush that I thought was just as unobtainable. Then, what I thought impossible happened.
I should have been happy. My childhood crush had noticed me. Penned me a love letter even.
Yet, it didn't make me happy. If anything, it was the worse mistake of my life.
Those are seven months of my life that I'll never get back. Those were seven months of my life where I felt unloved; where I felt like a trophy instead of a human being.
My self confidence hit an all time low.
Yes, breaking up with someone I had had a crush on for a long time hurt, but being with him hurt me so much more.
Four or five years have passed since that monster was in my life, and during that time, I have seemed to accumulate celebrity crushes like they are a dying habit.
That's where the extreme fandom obsession kicked in.
My self confidence was still at a crushing low from what happened. I didn't think that I was worth loving. I thought that something must be wrong with me, and that all guys would see me the same.
Then I met you. And you proved me wrong.
Ever since you, my self confidence has gradually reached its peak. I feel that it's okay to embrace myself for who I am. You've made me laugh. You've made me smile.
I've only known you for a short time, and in that short time, you've become a very dear friend to me.
You have absolutely no idea what you've done for me. You've taken this shattered, fan crazed soul and given it a life again. A purpose.
I know we're still at the close friends stage, and I don't want to screw that up. That's the last thing I want. I just feel I need to get this off my chest.
I'm sure if you ever read this, you'll know I'm talking about you.
Thank you for coming into my life. Even as I write this, I'm sincerely holding back tears because I'm so touched about what you've done for me.
You're a remarkable human being. Thank you for making me feel worth it again.
So yes, I go crazy for the guys in the magazines. I go crazy for the guys in the movies. I fangirl, and I fangirl until you must think me insane.
But always remember this one simple thing.
I act that way because I thought that my life lay in just having crushes on my posters or on my television screen.
I never, not in a million years, thought that I would be lucky enough to find someone like you.