tug on the ropes










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in 17/ so call me stupid, call me sad
Autoplay OFF   •   9 months ago
@catwoman gave me the prompt of 'higher' and this is a poem I came up with on that prompt, based on mental health. I wrote this as spoken poetry. Thank you for reading. <3

tug on the ropes

When I close my eyes, I am drowning.

When I close my eyes, I am drowning. I am drowning

When I close my eyes, I am drowning. I am drowning in a bottomless chasm that swallows me whole,

When I close my eyes, I am drowning. I am drowning in a bottomless chasm that swallows me whole, but still,

When I close my eyes, I am drowning. I am drowning in a bottomless chasm that swallows me whole, but still, I am told to muffle my screams, like the universe conspired against me

When I close my eyes, I am drowning. I am drowning in a bottomless chasm that swallows me whole, but still, I am told to muffle my screams, like the universe conspired against me and stapled my mouth shut,

When I close my eyes, I am drowning. I am drowning in a bottomless chasm that swallows me whole, but still, I am told to muffle my screams, like the universe conspired against me and stapled my mouth shut, erasing me out of existence.

Out of sight,

Out of sight, out of mind.

When I open my eyes, I am still here.

When I open my eyes, I am still here. Only I am anchored to a bed

When I open my eyes, I am still here. Only I am anchored to a bed with no control over my own limbs and a heavy silence,

When I open my eyes, I am still here. Only I am anchored to a bed with no control over my own limbs and a heavy silence, where the only thing I can hear is the steady screech

When I open my eyes, I am still here. Only I am anchored to a bed with no control over my own limbs and a heavy silence, where the only thing I can hear is the steady screech of an institution.

Why should I suffer in secret when my mind could sprout teeth

Why should I suffer in secret when my mind could sprout teeth and chew up entire worlds, spitting out the pips,

Why should I suffer in secret when my mind could sprout teeth and chew up entire worlds, spitting out the pips, then stealing me away into the night so others don't have to?

It is capable of more than anyone could ever know

It is capable of more than anyone could ever know and it's mine to keep alive.

It is capable of more than anyone could ever know and it's mine to keep alive. It drinks my tears like

It is capable of more than anyone could ever know and it's mine to keep alive. It drinks my tears like it's trying to chip into my soul, leave me hollow.

It wades into my blood so that I am

It wades into my blood so that I am incapable of feeling or loving ever again.

It wades into my blood so that I am incapable of feeling or loving ever again. I am nothing but a shell that is full to the brim

It wades into my blood so that I am incapable of feeling or loving ever again. I am nothing but a shell that is full to the brim with poison,

It wades into my blood so that I am incapable of feeling or loving ever again. I am nothing but a shell that is full to the brim with poison, black and bitter,

It wades into my blood so that I am incapable of feeling or loving ever again. I am nothing but a shell that is full to the brim with poison, black and bitter, choking and suffocating like I've downed tar.

I wander through the lonely streets of my mind without

I wander through the lonely streets of my mind without so much as a torch,

I wander through the lonely streets of my mind without so much as a torch, a flame,

I wander through the lonely streets of my mind without so much as a torch, a flame, even a lit match to stop me

I wander through the lonely streets of my mind without so much as a torch, a flame, even a lit match to stop me from sinking into depths that no person ever wants to be in.

I wander through the lonely streets of my mind without so much as a torch, a flame, even a lit match to stop me from sinking into depths that no person ever wants to be in. No one can survive.

But I blindly stumble there, reading the walls

But I blindly stumble there, reading the walls with my bare fingertips that still feel the burn of tearing away

But I blindly stumble there, reading the walls with my bare fingertips that still feel the burn of tearing away rope after rope that no one wants to be in.

But I blindly stumble there, reading the walls with my bare fingertips that still feel the burn of tearing away rope after rope that no one wants to be in. No one.

No one.

And when no one cares, my mind takes me up skyscrapers,

And when no one cares, my mind takes me up skyscrapers, forces my hand to unlock every door we come across

And when no one cares, my mind takes me up skyscrapers, forces my hand to unlock every door we come across until we reach the top.

And when no one cares, my mind takes me up skyscrapers, forces my hand to unlock every door we come across until we reach the top. We can breathe in falling levels of hope

And when no one cares, my mind takes me up skyscrapers, forces my hand to unlock every door we come across until we reach the top. We can breathe in falling levels of hope like the falling raindrops who fail to fall on my face and mask my tears.

When you stand so high, you realise you have more to lose.

When your demons take you higher, it shakes you to the core.

Suddenly, you've only got two steps and a prayer.

Suddenly, you've only got two steps and a prayer. One, even.

You're so high, so far away from the pool you were drowning in,

You're so high, so far away from the pool you were drowning in, or the depths you tried so hard to avoid.

I tug on the ropes stopping me from falling

I tug on the ropes stopping me from falling and leap to kiss the sky once more,

I tug on the ropes stopping me from falling and leap to kiss the sky once more, all the while wondering

I tug on the ropes stopping me from falling and leap to kiss the sky once more, all the while wondering why no one was there to catch the torn end.

no one was there.

*afterword* Mental health is such an important topic to talk about and some might say it's become more relevant in this generation than any other before us. Thank you for reading and hope you're all having a lovely Friday. <3

(Still accepting prompts in the comments. ^^)

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