to know the depths of my body are skin and bone but not see it
to look in the mirror and believe the lies my head are whispering to me
my thighs appear as two redwood logs
Then on others
they are exactly what they are bony
Trapped in this perception,
it keeps me from seeing the truth from realizing the damage I am doing
It keeps me in denial
"I'm fine. I 'm just not hungry" "No, I already ate." "I just don't have an appetite" "I'm still healthy"
Mother asked me, "why are your hands shaking?"
Now they shake within my pockets hidden from the truth
It's a curse I don't want to believe in
a secret struggle I wish not to see
As I continue to let it abuse me
it eats through my body
but a fake smile and a satisfied reflection of sucking in
There is nothing like feeling the satisfaction
of sucking in your worries and holding your breath to see the progress you have made.
For now I live in denial For now I let my perception deceive me