I could have loved you

hckjust another lonely soul
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago

I could have loved you

by H.C. Kay

You didn't know me, but I knew you.

I'd spent countless hours on your Tumblr. I read all of your personal posts, your interactions with your followers. And I fell in love.

You seemed sort of lonely. So was I.

I gathered up the courage to talk to you. It was never anything much, but our conversations made me smile to myself when I recalled them. You put some meaning into my life.

Then it happened.

I was lonely and miserable. Against my better judgement, I anonymously sent you a confession of what I felt towards you. But I wasn't very good at anonymity.

I was foolish.

I couldn't give you the connection that you wanted. I could only silently type out texts through the Tumblr messaging feature. No late night Skype calls, no cute Snapchats.

I wasn't your type.

I wasn't attractive. I wasn't witty and engaging. I was boring and needy.

Then came everything else.

The distance.

The impossibility of meeting in person.

So I let you go.

Even if you loved me, you wouldn't have wanted to wait so many years. I was sad at first. But I went back and saw you and her. And now I just wish you that same happiness that you once had.

I could have loved you.

But I shouldn't. So I didn't. I only hope I'll have that kind of happiness that you once had too someday.

Stories We Think You'll Love
a year ago
I'm grateful for this fresh new day.

uhIdk what's going on 98.4% of the time.
a year ago
untitled 08.05.16

cathercantevenNo, you move.
3 months ago
I Just Let Him...
And I am always left to wonder why.

hckjust another lonely soul
a year agoReply
Thanks for all your support. I'm still friends with him. He still lights up my days. I guess I should appreciate that he managed to not act all awkward afterwards and continued talking to me. It's okay. I feel much better after writing this and accepting that, at least not anytime soon, he'll never love me like I love him, and I'm still holding out hope that maybe if we stay friends, someday things could be different. I guess if we really do keep in touch for that long, we truly are meant to be and if not, then oh well :/

a year agoReply
this is courageous to let your loved one go like that!

emmahernndezBronze CommaI love kind people. INFP.
a year agoReply
I truly think you wrote a piece I'm totally related to and I believe more people are. It was perfect in so many ways. I really enjoyed reading this. Your feelings are clear though they're so complicated and deep. You're brave because you let yourself love, that's what counts. True love doesn't mean cute snapchats and pure laughter or skype. You're not lame because of that if that's what you think. No, Miss. True love means being willing to jump off the cliff even when you're not sure if that person's going to let you fall. So I'm proud of you. You're that pure soul that needs someone as pure as you are. Someone that knows and appreaciate the fact that you can love and make deeper connections in many more ways. Someone that loves you, no matter what, because physical is shit.

shadowpuzzleBronze CommaINTROVERT AND WEIRD AND YIE I'M 16
a year agoReply

hckjust another lonely soul
a year agoReply
Thanks for your lovely compliment :) And it's more than just my shyness, but yes, that does play a large part in this.

a year agoReply
My shyness has put a hold to most relationships so I know how you feel a beautifully written story