This world around me is so big and beautiful
I may be small, but sometimes, I feel like I stand so tall
When I fly through the air on daddy’s shoulders
And when I bounce so high on my trampoline
I feel like I am invincible.
I’m so tiny but my heart keeps expanding in bliss.
I laugh at the silly puppies walking down the street.
I smile at the scent of mom’s chocolate chip cookies.
And sometimes, I cry when I can’t have that candy bar.
I want my toys and my candy!
I want them because it will fill me with that bliss…
I know everything, I must!
My problems are fixed by simple goods...
Yet Mommy doesn’t look as happy as she should.
I wonder why it’s such a big deal?
Maybe I just don’t know how it feels…
But then, I did.
This world around me is callous and cruel.
I’m all grown up now, but I can barely stand up tall.
When the stress gets heavy and there’s no support system,
I get my high with my best friend Mary Jane, the only one left.
In that moment, I feel incredible.
But people can still get to me; I still am set back by those walls.
I’m so big but my heart never feels like it’s full anymore.
I walk by the old woman with the dogs without a care.
I seldom smile because there is no more chocolate chip cookies.
And sometimes, I cry when those candy bars I once loved force me to purge.
I yearn for those carefree, silly days of my youth.
I felt that unnamed feeling day after day…
I know so much more now, except for why nobody stays.
My problems can’t be fixed by those stupid little things.
Mom knew how painful it would be, and missing her still stings.
Because you know what? It is a big fucking deal.
When we grow up, we all find out how pain really feels.