An Atrocious Series of Puns
An Atrocious Series of Puns puns stories

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Two dudes, a library, and a bunch of Napoleon puns.

An Atrocious Series of Puns

Bob and his best friend sat bored one day in their university's library.

They both really should have been working on their homework, but they were both new freshmen and hadn't exactly figured out that studying was actually a thing they needed to be doing yet.

And because of that, they both sat in the library. They chose this particular location, because they could feel productive surrounded by books, but also have the wonderful choice to do nothing.

So that's exactly what they did. Now Bob- he's a rather smart boy. Loves history.

Against the wishes of his parents, he decided to major in the most useful field a college could offer-History- because he liked it so much.

His friend, let's call him James, was cut from a different sort of cloth, and was honestly just looking for an easy degree in Law.

Now whether or not the boys succeed in their chosen degrees isn't the point of discussion here today.

The discussion shall instead focus on what the two boys said to each other in the library on this particular fine day.

You see- Bob wasn't just a fan of history. He was a fan of a certain period of history, that of the Napoleonic Wars.

These wars focused on that odd point in history when not French-French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte tried to take over all of Europe. He was actually doing fairly well!

But Napoleon's stint as would be emperor wasn't what interested Bob, unlike most scholars who are passionate about the time period. Bob was only interested in one thing:

The Puns. You see, Napoleon has a rather unfortunate name. It might have been fine for a well bred Corsican aristocrat at the time, but Bob isn't Corsican.

Bob is an American, and Bob only speaks one language: English.

So naturally, he took one look at the name 'Napoleon Bonaparte' and decided that if he and James were going to be in the library, they weren't going to be bored.

Bob took a deep breath and leaned over, poking James with a half chewed pencil. "Psst. James."

The man in question looked up with a raised brow. "What's up?" He asked. Bob leaned in real close.

"You know who'd probably be a real blast at parties?" He asked. James shook his head. Bob grinned.

"Napoleon Bonaparte, because whenever anybody would ask if he was wild enough to do something, he'd say: Well, of Corsican!"

James snorted. "Really? Because I thought it was because he was Born2Party" he said. Bob rolled his eyes.

"That joke only works when you can see it in writing, James." He said offhandedly. James gave him a disbelieving look. "Oh, and your Corsican one isn't also exactly like that?"

Bob frowned. "Rude. Mine can work if you say it right, yours doesn't." He said. James rolled his eyes and wrote the punchline of Bob's pun down.

"It can't work, Bob- see here: 'of Corsican'. If he's Corsican and telling people that, he wouldn't say 'of' it just doesn't work there. I'm not of American. It's the same thing." He explained.

Bob glared at his friend and crinkled the paper up, throwing it in a nearby trash bin. "Napoleon? Well, I'm turning this joke Napoleoff." He muttered, shutting down the conversation.

James grinned. "You're a bit of a sore loser. Take a break off the coast of Africa for a few years and then try again, eh?" He said, patting Bob on the head before getting up to leave.

Bob snorted at the dumb joke but followed James out of the library. They were getting glares anyways- apparently Napoleon Puns were frowned upon in polite company, especially in a library.

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