Drunken
Drunken  valentines stories
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Autoplay OFF   •   3 years ago
Happy (late) Valentines Day

Drunken

Why do I always seem to mess good things up?

I’m drunk

But that is no excuse.

I find fault in everyone but myself

Yes, even when I’m drunk.

And I push everyone I love away,

Even when I am sober.

Why was I born defective?

I tell myself

Take this good man and keep him safe,

Allow him inside your mind

And always Love him tenderly.

But… do I do that?

Well, yes.

And then a few months later

I am drunk

And I am arguing with him over things

That no longer matter.

But alcohol fuels my anger,

Whispering his flaws into my ears.

Then when light comes to the new day,

And I am then sober,

Wiping away the remnants of a tear-stricken face

And gazing at him in his peaceful slumber,

Do these doubts loom in my mind.

The uncertainty of how I am unable to love tenderly for long,

Sober.

And how I will never be satisfying enough for him,

Drunk.

What to call this selfish affliction?

Is my tainted childhood to blame?

Or is it merely the liquor?

Whether sober or Alive,

I feel empty.

Whether in Love or in happiness,

I am manipulated.

Even if I don’t want to fake anything,

Even if I beg for the “happy ending” to my dull story,

Why do I sabotage myself?

Why do I always feel so hollow;

Even when I am surrounded by “love?”

It is past midnight,

I am drunk.

I am forlorn.

And in the later morning hours,

I will be sober.

I will still feel Isolated.

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