Awful Jokes
Awful Jokes humor stories
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Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months!

Awful Jokes

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They each got six months!

What's Forrest Gump's password?

1Forest1

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' catholic!

What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because seven was a registered six offender.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion.....

....and a lifetime ban from the zoo

What's something that's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit.

They are usually around 90 degrees.

Why can't bicycles stand on their own?

They are two tired.

Why does a flamingo stand on one leg?

If it didn't stand on any, it'd fall over.

A toothless termite walks into a bar and asks

is the bar tender here?

How does a train eat?

It goes chew, chew.

What's gray and can't fly?

A parking lot.

What did the perverted frog say?

Rubbit

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Ya.

Ya who?

Sorry, I prefer Google.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!"

Where do cows go for a first date?

To the mooooovies!

What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

Always trust people who like big butts.

They cannot lie.

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?

Because she kept running from the ball!

What do you call a guy who never farts in public?

A private tutor!

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands! (This joke never gets old)

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