Horsemen
Horsemen queer stories
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fortuneultado
fortuneultado any pronouns
Autoplay OFF   •   2 months ago
thoughts from a repressed, closeted kid

Horsemen

i let the mechanical whir of the electric fan wash over me,

the midnight breeze of the half-opened window,

the warm, bashful glow of the himalayan salt lamp at the edge of my table,

i can't sleep.

it's 1am and I can hear the titters of bats and distant howls of a stray dog

the soft growl of an airborne plane, gliding along the spheres finding home

and the inebriated voice of my father telling me,

why did you turn out that way?

i am awake like the noisy bats and the stray dog

dead as the metal alulas of a bygone plane up above,

touch-starved and so fucking starving for some release

fuck. I really can't sleep.

i was reading my slash fanfiction on my Ipad

when I felt the dazed, intoxicated eyes of my father on me

his gait wobbly, his mouth tugging upwards

i sat there stiff, frozen, steeling myself; waiting for guillotine

his hands laid heavy on my left shoulder

"You should go meet your cousins" he said.

i sheepishly scanned the men on the splintered wooden table

their messy hair, sticky skin, their red horse bottles, and pulutan

and I thought offhandedly, these aren't my fucking cousins.

they were horsemen; their bravado, all practiced machismo

bodies smelling of regret and poor life choices

pretty sure they'd call me a fag if they knew what it was

i greeted the horsemen and left just as quick

i did not turn to my father, already feeling the disappointed gaze

he's boring at the back of my skull

and cursing his luck.

i wish I was a bat or a fucking stray dog

it honestly sounds fun

man, I really wish I could shapeshift

then I could turn to a fucking horseman

it's 1am and the mechanical whir of the electric fan

is fucking annoying at this point

tonight I'll dream of metal wings and guillotines

of love's austere and lonely offices

just kidding. I can't fucking sleep.

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