Floating in the abyss
Floating in the abyss glopowrimo2021 stories
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fathomless
fathomless It is perhaps, the end of the beginning.
Autoplay OFF   •   2 months ago
My 42-day writing project. Today I wrote the final verse, and I feel so many things at the same time.

Floating in the abyss

O' mighty warrior why do you weep, Beyond the horizon your day shall birth, Wonders and dreams a tease to be forgotten O' mighty warrior drown in her silken arms.

The sweet wild rush so toxic, As I slam into the music again and again, Heaving, breathless, devoid of words, Ears ringing with unfathomable bliss.

Fear, anxiety, excitement, something? He longs to be embraced by one, To be held within its nasty clutches Alas, he feels none. None at all.

Why do I wield them knives, Thrown with precision at your heart, A part of me screaming to stop, from within, The knife strikes true.

The night sky hums a taunting note, Whispering words, enticing me to stay, To brand my eyes on the gleaming stars, Barreling towards me, such beautiful destruction.

Every word, paints a new red, Atop my burning skin, fresh from your touch, And I look away to calm the fires, Threatening to burn me whole.

Perhaps the monster awaits me, just as I do, To feel its cold glance upon my face, To tangle my fingers in its mane, To embrace myself wholly, for once.

Murky thoughts scramble her mind, As she struggles to put the pieces together, To remember how she got there, To remember why she lay shattered on the floor.

Red, hot anger courses through, At every breath I take, fists clenched, And I breathe and I breathe and I breathe, Until I don the mask of calm indifference.

Who I wake up as at the break of dawn, I fear to know, I long to know, Silent prayers offered in futile hopes, For the calm before the fated storm.

The familiar darkness, Itches to claim me for itself, To seep inside my dying thoughts, To leer at the long lost light.

That calm, silence, lures me towards it, Willing me to sit beneath its cool fire, To forget all worries, all pain, Promising to heal me in its arms.

The conundrum stretches before me, Waiting patiently as I feel the cold trickle down my spine, Fingers trembling as I finally make the choice, For better or worse I know not.

Mellow smiles dripping venom, Beckon me towards it, never faltering, And I make my way towards it, in full knowledge, I walk towards my pain.

Amidst the wails and screeches, We learn to find ourselves, To stretch out to that warm cauldron inside, Keeping the part of us we fear to lose, safe and sound.

Heaven help me, help them, For I know what this means, The bloodshed and the ruin, That await all those around me.

I feel it approaching in silence, And I cant stop it, can't stop myself, I stand still, watching, frozen in horror, As the dark fingers cradle my head lovingly.

When the tears and scars won't stop, When it feels like the end of everything, You look into my eyes, the intense warmth speak a million words. Reminding me of what I forget- I'm not alone.

And so the fury shall rise, Silver flames raging, burning, In the pits of those eyes, unseeing, Cold, calm, merciless.

A million words of apologies, of gratitude, never truly meant, I wonder why them bland words are loved, When the truth lie far away from it, You know it, I know it, we all do, yet we want the lies.

Forgive me for my sins, For every arrow I've ever carved, Intentional, aimed to hurt, Perhaps I do not deserve to be forgiven.

How you forget, I'm not yours to command, I'm not yours to keep, a gleaming trophy, And so I shall trample upon you, love, Smiling all the way through.

The cliff stands waiting, The utter calm and peace breezing my way, And I finally rest upon its loving arms, Closing my eyes to the soft lull.

Alas there we are, A fleck in the paint-ridden canvas, A fleck among a million flecks, The thought strangely comforting.

No, not this again, I gasp and struggle, writhing away, Desperate in my futile search, For the anchor to hold me down.

The oceans flow within my veins, Making me feel unstoppable, Leaving me exhaling amidst its sapphire tears, Just me, the ocean and the world.

A million galaxies above, Lie the lost pieces of our childhood, Floating away in bliss, I long to touch it, just once.

And I peer into your eyes, Mesmerized by the kaleidoscope, Entrapping me within its holds, And I drown without complain.

Ah mother of perfections, Jabbing at the invisible insecurities, You don't realize, not even in the end, Perfection lies in the imperfections.

That day shall come for all of us, When we're frail and old and vulnerable, And we'd count our grey days, By the number of pills left in the box.

Every moment I open my eyes, Attempting to capture the beautiful world before me, The cracks and crevices, ridges and scars, The perfect photograph for the perfect story.

It's one of those days again, Where the waves pay no heed to my protests, As they wash over me with just one thought, To wash away the filth before it.

Fire and ice embrace each other, Giving up the fight weaved into their being, The second they meet, the world seems to stop, As frozen lips meet burning ones.

Disgust and anger envelope me, As I watch the blatant injustice before me, Disgust and anger at myself, For I walk away doing nothing, head hung in shame.

Perhaps one day you'll find another soul, At the end of the dark tunnel you were once trapped in, And you find yourself running towards the tunnel, To rescue the soul from the nightmare without a thought.

Sometimes when you think I don't see the tears, I let you think it, even though untrue, I leave you to the tears that wish to be unseen, For I know you'd do the same for me.

You thought you couldn't give yourself wholly, Not to anyone, never, But I promise you will, I hope you will, One day you'll give yourself wholly to none but you.

The quill scratches away, Words after words of meaningless haze, Piercing the paper not deserving the hateful words, Let the ink wash upon the dead paper. Please.

That buzz within your head, The one no one but you hear, The soft buzz so melodious, A strange reassurance and I buzz back with a smile.

I never let myself think of you, of your loss, For I know when I do, I shall shatter for a millennia, forever, And I fear I'll never find myself again.

Some days the eyes don't adjust to the darkness, Refusing to reveal silhouettes, You can do nothing but close your eyes, The darkness before your eyes a blazing light now.

Floating in the abyss, A beautiful feeling I cannot part with, A feeling I cannot explain, even if I try, Known by none but me, the paper and the ink.

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