insanity
insanity mental illness stories
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famishing_fae
famishing_fae about: write.as/pre3pi0kidtuo161.md
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
it's a word people use a lot, isn't it?

insanity

such a strong word and one I notice every time

as someone

who sees things that aren't there

who feels awful things that aren't happening (but that happened, once)

who is compelled to count, to breathe to light-headedness, to wash

who hears voices and talks to them and shares a life with them

as someone who is insane.

I ponder it, every time, what it means to be insane -

I ponder it, every time, what it means to be insane - the gulf between what they understand

I ponder it, every time, what it means to be insane - the gulf between what they understand and what I know.

Each time, I reach for words to describe it, to explain

Each time, I reach for words to describe it, to explain and each time, I fail

Each time, I reach for words to describe it, to explain and each time, I fail a little more beautifully.

this is how I fail, this time:

I am a ghost in a house of bones filled with ghosts. I am here, and I am not here

I am a ghost in a house of bones filled with ghosts. I am here, and I am not here with one foot in this world and the other in the next.

I balance, a delicate tightrope dance of careful hands, quicker feet, and sharp, sharp eyes

I balance, a delicate tightrope dance of careful hands, quicker feet, and sharp, sharp eyes in a world that is both too dark and too bright

I balance, a delicate tightrope dance of careful hands, quicker feet, and sharp, sharp eyes in a world that is both too dark and too bright where the sea and the sky are easily mistaken.

(for there is love and there is pain

(for there is love and there is pain and both are stark and deep and lovely

(for there is love and there is pain and both are stark and deep and lovely and good for drowning.)

I hesitate,

I hesitate, I waver,

I hesitate, I waver, I teeter,

I hesitate, I waver, I teeter, and then I regain my balance.

I hesitate, I waver, I teeter, and then I regain my balance. Amid the gasps and incredulous stares of those waiting for the fall, I continue on

I hesitate, I waver, I teeter, and then I regain my balance. Amid the gasps and incredulous stares of those waiting for the fall, I continue on as I have done countless times before.

A perfect storm came through, of flawed genetics of personal and cultural tragedy of gales like pounding feet.

A perfect storm came through, of flawed genetics of personal and cultural tragedy of gales like pounding feet. And still I am here -

tattered, worn in all my glory,

tattered, worn in all my glory, waving in the lingering wind.

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