Loneliness is a disease.

emmeliarocheste"I will be strong when love is gone."
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
Loneliness is a terminal disease.

Loneliness is a disease.

by emmeliarocheste

It's crippling and all consuming.

My depression isn't here because I'm sad, or because my life isn't going great, it's here because love isn't.

I look around at all these couples and I feel empty.

No one can love me that way. I don't blame them. I'm shattered inside. I'm a mess. And nothing too terrible has even happened to me, yet I have these never healing scars from loneliness.

And if I could leave it alone, they'd heal, but I can't.

I'll lay awake at night and stare at nothing as I pick pick pick away at the scars in my heart, because feeling pain is better than the all consuming emptiness.

At least if I'm bleeding, it means I'm alive.

The cold emptiness is, surprisingly, not like death. Death is nothing. No, this is worse. So much worse. It's like being in a glass coffin. It's suffocating, and you can feel yourself dying.

But you aren't dead. You never die.

No matter how much you wish you could. This emptiness makes me wish I could die, but I don't want to kill myself. I think about the things I'll miss, like toast.

I mean, how sad is that?

How sad is it that the number one on my list of reasons to stay is fucking toast? And I don't even like toast! I just like how much it represents. Humans have come so far, maybe I can too.

I can't imagine living like this forever.

Because that's not life. This isn't living. This is a coma. I can talk to everyone, but no one ever seems to hear me. I'm just below the surface, scratching to get out, but I never will. I can't.

I can't escape the black hole inside my chest.

It's eating away at everything. No one could ever love me, not because I won't let them, but because no one wants to. I used to think broken was beautiful, tragically beautiful...

But now...

There's no such thing as lovely carnage. And that's all I am.

Stories We Think You'll Love
emmeliarocheste"I will be strong when love is gone."
a year ago
What I've Learned
What I've learned at school.

emmeliarocheste"I will be strong when love is gone."
a year ago
My Pain
Depression is a disease, not a characteristic.

emmeliarocheste"I will be strong when love is gone."
7 months ago
I Had a Crush Once
A really romantic story about love.

emmeliarocheste"I will be strong when love is gone."
a year agoReply
@bernardtwindwil Your comments are the highlights of my day! You're so kind and intelligent and I love reading them! Thank you for being here!

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
This was written with words chosen to evoke loneliness and heartache. You were able to convey your feelings to me. No matter how disconsolate this work was, it was beautifully expressed. I am sorry I can't help you. I wish I could. What you are going through is one of the rites of passage that all great souls must endure.