I’m at my post (nightshift security) and a resident walks by with a guy. I nod, smile, and say good morning.
A few minutes later, he comes out of the elevator, walks by, then stop, walks over and says;
“Just so you know, Sally is my girlfriend.”
“Cool, have a good night,” I say returning to scrolling through Tumblr on my phone.
“Nah brah, I’m saying don’t be trying to get at my girl, she’s taken.”
Inside my head, I run through the countless men she has coming in and out of her apartment every night, all night before saying, “Oh, you have the wrong idea,
I am not interested in Sally, I was just saying good morning as I always do… With everyone.”
He aggressively says, “Yeah, but I’m telling you, don’t get at my girl.”
“Listen,” I say calmly before standing up and getting extra flamboyant, “Don’t come at me with that shit.
I’m not interested in your girl, do I need to spell it out in big rainbow letters? I’m gay, I like dick.”
No further words were spoken, horrified, he left the building and did not look back. I may or may not get fired for this later.