Hey it's Jeremy. It was great meeting you last night :-)
S: Looks like she gave you a fake number.
J: but she was so into me!
J: maybe she typed it in wrong. she was pretty drunk
S: overcoming denial is the first step
J: what's the second step?
S: jerking off, i guess.
J: shit I mixed up the order
S: maybe i can help you figure out where you went wrong.
S: what did you guys talk about?
J: Fortnite mostly
S: what's that?
J: uhh only the most popular video game in the world. do you live under a rock?
S: oh you guys talked about video games? And her panties didn't drop on the spot?
J: you're not being very helpful
S: Maybe it wasn’t anything you said. What if you're just hideous?
J: actually I've been told I look like a young Kevin Bacon
S: have you ever danced in a town that forbade it?
J: I don't think so. Dancing is still legal in Portland, right?
S: I live in Portland. Maybe we're next-door neighbors
J: Are you a seventy-five year old Colombian lady?
J: a partially blind black man?
J: oh well your dog keeps pooping on my lawn
S: I was just kidding Jeremy. It isn't me. That isn't my dog.
J: thanks for clearing that up
S: so what did this girl look like? what was her name?
J: Amber. blonde, long legs, big boobies
S: interesting. so is that your type?
J: i don't have a type
S: ooo i guess that means I'm still in the game
J: I didn't know you were playing.
S: i'm not.
S: i'm not gonna invest my heart into this, Jeremy. I'll just end up getting hurt. I know how this goes.
J: you do?
S: Yes. After meeting up at a local restaurant, we instantly fall in love, get married, have six or seven children.
S: But then one day, when you stop off for a drink at the bar, you see her: Amber, big boobs and all, standing in the corner. The one that got away.
J: OMG do we have an affair?
S: no. you're too honest of a guy for that. but when you come home that night, something's different. You're not the same Jeremy I loved and adored.
S: You're sitting there, having dinner, ignoring our seven kids as you think about what could have been. If only Amber had given you her real number...
J: are you sure we fall in love? i don't even know what you look like.
S: i'm super hot.
J: what color hair?
S: does it matter?
J: i have a right to know the hair color of my seven children
S: you wanted blonde kids, didn't you?
J: one more question
J: what's your name?
J: you already know mine
S: i'll give you a hint. it starts with a D
S: can you imagine? that stupid song.
J: hey there! I like that song.
S: I see what you did there
S: and I'll just tell you my name since you're never gonna guess
S: It's Drew
J: ooo like Drew Barrymore. Can I call you Drew Barrymore?
S: do you want to meet up or what?
S: lol yeah
J: okay let's do it
J: name the time and place
S: 10 o'clock at Rage?
J: LOL isn't that a gay club?
J: you're not a...
S: a man?
S: yeah is that a problem?
S: you said you didn't have a type
J: I'm so sorry dude.
J: I'm not really into guys
This is Amber.