Depression
Depression maybe fiction stories
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darhdog
darhdog Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
Is this real? You don't know. It could be, but it could be just some nonsense bullshit I made up. I think that's for you to decide
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Depression

By Alex. Is this real? You don't know. It could be real Or it could be just something I'm making up

My total tearjerker begins in about 6th grade (year 7 in the UK/11 to 12 years old) I was never a straight-A student. Far from it, in fact...

My dad is a wonderful person. I love him as my dad but... He has many flaws...

As do I...

I have many more flaws because of him

My grades... Whenever they would drop to a C or lower... He would be angry... He would yell... He would bellow... He would scream...

Every time he did this My mental health would deteriorate slightly It wasn't as bad back then as it is now.

Remember, this started when I was 11 years old. I'm now a senior in high school I'm 17 Earlier this year, I was at the lowest I've ever been

The day was May 16th, 2017 I fucked my chemistry grade up This was back in 11th grade

I was heading home with the intention to take my own life I had written notes for specific people I wanted to say goodbye to I would've gotten home, recorded myself saying what was on the paper, and that would be it.

I would've done it in the shower or the bathtub Just so it would be easier to clean. I would've taken a knife And just stabbed myself in the throat. Or sliced my wrist open.

I was stopped, however.

My dad got home before I could get inside

He heard what I was planning to do. He cares for me. He made it home before I did.

...

It's been a while since then

I'm at a higher point than before

I still am in a bad position.

I was yelled at for 5-6 years. That's 5-6 years of emotional damage done by my dad At this point, I'm probably permanently fucked up

There's only so much healing that counseling can do Because of my dad yelling at me, I started feeling like shit and hating myself

My self esteem level on a scale from 1-10 at this point? Probably around a 3

I kinda just... really hate myself at this point...

...

I don't fucking know why I wrote this Maybe to make myself feel better

Lord knows that isn't gonna happen

I just... Really hate everything about me from my body type to my eyes... From my hair to the way my feet look...

I hope you enjoyed my ranting...

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