The one thing I hate about myself, is that I have no filter.
I don't think about the things I say. But then again, I do.
I don't mean the bad things I say, I promise.
It's just I have a shell around my heart.
So I scare people away by the weird things I say.
Because I'm scared of letting anyone know the real me.
Because I know they will eventually get tired of me, and leave me behind. Everyone else does.
And at the end of the day, I curse at myself. For even saying that stupid comment.
I guess the only friends I have, don't even check up on me.
I guess the only people who understand the real me, are the characters I made up inside my head.
And they're not even fucking real. Or the ones living a thousand miles away.
I have so many thoughts in my head. "Like why am I writing this poem?" "It's stupid." "Or why do I have to say that?"
Maybe the shell that is holding my heart is getting tighter by the year. Until eventually, there is nothing protecting it anymore.
I just wanted to say, that I apologize for the people I hurt. I promise I don't mean the bad things I say.
I'm terrified of getting close to people.
But I'm trying to get better. Day by day. Which is pretty great if I say so myself.